Finding Purpose Amidst an Evolving Identity
Letter #19: Who am I now? And what should I do with the rest of my life?
ARE YOU HELPING ARE YOU HURTING
A quote I’ve asked myself many times over the past several years. I don’t even remember where I first saw it. But I don’t feel like I was helping (directly, others). And it did feel like I was hurting (indirectly, others).
So I want to do something different with my life. And yet I have zero idea what that is.
When I was in LA I had this great conversation with
. He encouraged me to lead less with what my identity used to be (hey! I was designer in NYC for 10 years!), and more with my current identity: a nomad exploring new cultures, meeting new people, and trying new things. Into sustainability and minimalism, and is down to spend 95% of her time outside. Lead with my new identity so that I am not pigeon-holed as a designer if that is no longer the life I want to go back to. Maybe my mind will be changed over time and I’ll want to go back to fashion, but for now I’m craving something different. Do I want to work with dog rescues? A farm focused on self-sufficiency and permaculture? Refugee support and disaster relief? Or do I want find an ethical role in the tech industry that provides the $$ to keep up my lifestyle? (Call me if you have an in 📲).When I was watching the sunset with some friends from Tribal, Ursina asked me “what do you want to do for a career?” I replied that I had no idea, but that this year of travel has been my dream since I was 15 and I couldn’t believe I was actually doing it. She clasped her hands together and exclaimed “OH! Just do this then! Don’t even worry about what’s next! Be present and enjoy.”
That’s been the general rhetoric and support here. Enjoy Bali. Take it slow, rest, be with friends, and HAVE FUN.
My friend, Anna from Draper, was explaining how she felt lost in her early 20’s. Unfulfilled by a traditional education and unsure what she wanted “to do” with her life. She knew she was called for a higher purpose, but didn’t know what it was. Her dad’s advice was to travel the world and find herself (I know—he was way ahead of his time). And so she did, but she also did a lot of mind-mapping and her Ikigai to lead to her purpose. (She is now, fittingly, a coach).
One of my mentors, Lina Cheung, gave me a diagram of the Ikigai & instructions for its use before I left my old job. She was thrilled that I was embarking on this new adventure, trusting my intuition, and she knew before I did that I would be searching for my Ikigai. So when Anna brought it up months later while we sat across from each other at Draper, half working and half spending the day in deep conversation, I decided it was time to start my Ikigai, the search for my purpose.
It’s very therapeutic, less about how to market myself as a professional and more about identifying what I love to do, what my skills are, and how the world needs help.
When I’m speaking to all these inspiring, expansive, driven young individuals, it’s hard not to hear their story or identity and check it against my own. Would I want to do UX/UI bootcamp? Would I want to lead a retreat? Be a virtual assistant? Open an ex-pat restaurant? But all of that is just noise. It’s me being fearful of the unknown and searching desperately for something to sink my teeth into with a promise of a dollar sign on the other end. Because none of it is me, is my story. You know what Nate said to me?
“Give things a few months to let inspiration hit and I’m sure something will scream at you that you can’t not listen to.”
In other words, if it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no. That takes a tremendous amount of pressure off feeling like I have to be finding meaning and answers in every interaction, in every experience, or figure ANYTHING out about a career move right now. Wait until it slaps me across the face. 😳
All I need to do right now is show up for others. Ask about their dreams, listen, and support. And actively participate in the things that bring me joy. I want to learn a little Arabic and Italian, and want to finally become fluent in Spanish. I want to enroll in open education courses at Slow Factory. I want to work in a garden in Italy and a vineyard in Spain. I want to say yes if I find an opportunity to volunteer in disaster relief or refugee aid.
When the Approachable Design team did our CliftonStrengths Assessment a couple years ago, my #1 strength was “positivity”.
said she’d never met anyone who scored first in positivity. THAT is me. Especially when I am fully aligned with myself—I ooze positivity, compassion, and love. I’m not even bragging, I just know it as a truth about myself. And something about Megan saying that plus the results of my session with Pak Mangku Ked led me to realize that right now my purpose is to be a positive light for others. To be present, available, and fun. The identity of a nomadic individual here to *hopefully* make your day. Now THAT is something I can lean into.**Disclaimer: This post references many people in my life who I’ve had impactful conversations with over the past few months. I apologize if it feels a bit “name-droppy” but I believe in giving credit where credit is due, and it’s also important to highlight that it takes a village to help me draw conclusions about my life.
Something I read recently:
My dear friend Katlin Taosaka recommended I read the post On Self Care by
. It helped me realize that by taking care of myself and my dreams, I can easily turn around and give more of my love away.“I saw how when people loved themselves they could love others harder, and show up harder. I saw this as a real answer to cure a severely disassociated society, and I still do.”
Quick Update: I’m currently in Ho Chi Minh City in South Vietnam after spending 6 days in Hanoi in the North. I’ll be eating my way across Vietnam for the next 2 weeks. If you have recommendations, send them my way!
Hey! Would you like to connect over creativity, self-growth, and problem-solving? Or just to have a virtual glass of wine or mocktail? Please book a time on my Calendly for us to chat! I can’t wait to see you. XOXO.
If you’re enjoying On the Road, please share with others who you may think would enjoy as well! As always, I love reading your comments and feedback. If you're not already subscribed, please click the button below so I can continue sending you weekly-ish stories and lessons while I travel. 🚙
I love "Are you helping.... Are you hurting", such an intriguing question. I for sure want to be more on the "helping" end of things. I love reading your blogs. They're a reminder to me of what I need to do to be my best self. I am happy you are taking care of your self care. It's so important ! We can't pour from an empty cup is a true statement. May your journey continue to be eye opening and full of self discovery : )
I recently have been leaning and diving into Ikigai. My company uses this as their training and North Star for career development!