Ho Chi Minh City, formerly known as Saigon
Letter #22: If you can make it in New York, you can make it anywhere...right? Maybe not. Saigon sent me for a loop.
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3/11/23
Ho Chi Minh City is growing on me. It’s funny—I needed the influence of both the Japanese salon owner at Ace London and Cee, a native Saigonese, to help me realize why I may like this crazy SE Asian city after all.
I resonate with the energy and the fact that it is always busy. Riding on the back of a scooter through HCMC traffic is exhilarating. You’re surrounded by thousands—millions—of people. But the city seems to be in a fog, the air pollution never letting up. And there is always noise. Much like the NYC in these ways, but somehow NYC feels cleaner. I really appreciated reading New York public school teacher’s perspective of Saigon vs New York City, because it can be difficult to explain it in my own words, having only visited a few days.
“Saigon is so big, much bigger than New York City (NYC), and while parts of NYC are crowded, all of Saigon is crowded. And everybody who’s on a motorcycle seems to know exactly where they are going. No New Yorker would understand how the city flows, how you go from here to there, or where things are.
Many people in New York City know only a small part of the city. But in Saigon, it seems people understand a large part of the city. And of course, they have great energy riding their motorcycles. We just travel around New York on the subway, which is very easy, but not very dynamic or high-energy.” -George Sokolaff
Technically, I’m not sure he is correct about Saigon being larger than NYC, I am finding mixed facts about that.
Most mornings I feel apprehensive about getting out of bed to brave the bustling city. Even though I am so accustomed to living in such a busy city, life in Vietnam just feels so foreign to me. I’m back to being the insecure tourist wishing I could just blend in. I definitely felt more confident while Cee was showing me around Hanoi and Ha Long Bay. I mimicked all her actions, how we walked back and forth from the sidewalk to the street, avoiding scooters in the road and parked along the sidewalk. The order in which we ate our meals, even paying attention to how she placed her silverware and chopsticks along the edge of a bowl at the dinner table. But without her I’m not sure I’m “doing it right”. Sometimes it’s so much to process, figuring out how to be in a foreign country, hopping from city to city, that you just want to run back to the hotel for some respite. And yet the hotel I selected in HCMC was way too basic. As Cee put it “this place was VERY local.” I was uninspired, not wanting to lounge around the room any longer than I had to. The owner was sweet—brought me a HUGE bottle of water after I had food poisoning (from a Western restaurant, mind you! Better to stick with the street food)—but the place just made me feel a little sad. The room was clean-ish, but at the top of a 4th floor walk-up. I slept ok, but the view out the window was depressing (just a bunch of junk on the neighbor’s rooftop). I had booked a hostel in Hoi An next, followed by another in Da Nang, but I decided to forgo hostel life and treat myself to a private room in a hotel with a pool.
I hate to say it, guys, but I AM starting to feel a little lonely. I miss how much I laugh with my friends, I miss the affection from my parents. I don’t laugh much at all here, except when having dinner with Cee. It’s not that I want to not be here—I do. I’m not ready to to give up on traveling and come back yet. But I have so much time to reflect on every little feeling that I come across. Which is an INCREDIBLE byproduct of being willingly unemployed. And I can identify that I would want to re-do this journey with a partner. Someone to take the edge off of things that may feel a little depressing, to add some shine to the areas the parts of travel that are dull. Someone to help me make plans, push me to try different things, and make me pay less attention to every store/hotel/restaurant’s use of bright white lightbulbs instead of soft white. WHY?! Why the awful blue glow in an otherwise charming restaurant?!
Also, why don’t any of the restaurants play music? We are so used to it in the US. If I walk into a store, hotel, or restaurant and there isn’t music playing, I feel awkward. Like I’m interrupting something. We are so accustomed to music playing everywhere we go, we don’t even think about it. But next time you walk in somewhere and it’s silent, pay attention to how weird it makes you feel. That is how I feel all day— “are you guys open? Am I interrupting something?” 🤣
Yes, I am doing my best to remove from US filter while traveling, but sometimes it helps me identify why certain situations make me feel so…out of sorts! It is a work in progress. 😅
I realized I needed some normalcy, a routine. In Hoi An I planned to exercise in the mornings, followed by a little work every day to help me get back onto a schedule. When I finish my time in Nepal (March 28th-April 26th), I’ll be ready to start making money again. The number ticking down in my bank account looms over my head, even though I am (miraculously) the least fearful of and preoccupied by money as I’ve ever been. Check back with me in a couple months, I’m sure my tone will change. 😂
I had just texted Leslie today that I was going to visit the War Remnants Museum that day in Ho Chi Minh City to gain perspective on the Vietnam War from this side of the world. Something about that flash of realization that I’m doing something most (Americans) will never be able to do/choose to do makes me quite emotional. And snaps me back to reality. It’s ok to acknowledge I’m craving productivity and a schedule, but I’ll have the rest of my life to be on a schedule and worrying about making money. Right now I have the gift of open days and a free schedule to be a little sponge, absorbing as much as I can about the other side of the world. It also excites me that I’m accomplishing this dream that I’ve had for so long so that I can move onto the next one. Here’s an example of what I dream about…
6 months of a schedule and normalcy in Mexico, renting a villa near the beach, and working online in 2024. 🌶
Meeting a partner where we live half our time in the States, the other half in a different country—preferably somewhere warm! ☀️
Buying a small house out in the country in Upstate New York, with three dogs and a garden. And then sure ok a vacation home in Mexico. 🐶
A career that lights me up, doesn’t burn me out, and allows me enough abundance and flexibility to build the lifestyle that aligns me as a person. 🕯
Writing down future dreams helps me realize what’s come to fruition from the past. Whether you believe in manifestation, praying to a god, or nothing at all, I can say with certainty that writing down a 5 year plan, your dreams of the future, and recognition of the good things from the past, DOES make a difference. I can remember so many times having a solo picnic in Prospect Park, a book and journal in tow, writing vigorously about what I want my life to look like in 5 years, 10 years, 20…or even immediately. Dreams of traveling and experiencing the world in more than just one week a year. Of having enough abundance to finally be done with my scarcity mentality. Of shedding toxic bosses. Of taking better care of myself. And in those moments of desperation I didn’t have the faith to believe that the things I dreamt about would ever become my reality. Only by re-reading my entries from the past, and taking the time to reflect on how many dreams HAD already come true, was I able to re-ground myself in the belief that you can bring the good to yourself.
This year was a big ole dose of that. I left a job that hadn’t served me in years, left a life of scarcity (albeit in a city I loved), and embarked on a year of solo travel, saying yes to some things I never dreamt I’d have the opportunity to do. And with enough abundance to make it all happen. My dream of becoming a designer and then successfully surviving 10 years in New York City, plus all the opportunities of 2022-2023, is more than enough to solidify my faith that anything I can dream up (within reason) is possible.
I fully recognize my privilege in being able to claim that. Many people do not have the financial means, the supported system, or physical/mental/emotional ability to realize the dreams they have. But I use that as an extra reminder to be extra grateful and not take these opportunities for granted. Positivity really does go a long way, and I do believe you can—to a certain extent—change your situation.
What I’m listening to at this very second: Cocteau Twins! Have you heard of them?! It’s wild—they sound like an indie rock band out of 2009 that I would’ve discovered only due to my devout listening on 89.3 The Current, Minnesota Public Radio. But they’re actually a Scottish rock band from the 1980’s, and I’m obsessed with the lead singer, Elizabeth Fraser’s, voice. Check out this song or this song.
What I’m reading today: Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi. It’s captivating and heartbreaking, and the author has a wonderful way of weaving the family stories together in a way where I’m not getting lost. It’s been amazing to have so much free time to read. After this one I’m going to need an uplifting book—please send me suggestions!
Two half-sisters, Effia and Esi, are born into different villages in eighteenth-century Ghana. Effia is married off to an Englishman and lives in comfort in the palatial rooms of Cape Coast Castle. Unbeknownst to Effia, her sister, Esi, is imprisoned beneath her in the castle's dungeons, sold with thousands of others into the Gold Coast's booming slave trade, and shipped off to America, where her children and grandchildren will be raised in slavery. One thread of Homegoing follows Effia's descendants through centuries of warfare in Ghana, as the Fante and Asante nations wrestle with the slave trade and British colonization. The other thread follows Esi and her children into America. From the plantations of the South to the Civil War and the Great Migration, from the coal mines of Pratt City, Alabama, to the jazz clubs and dope houses of twentieth-century Harlem, right up through the present day, Homegoing makes history visceral, and captures, with singular and stunning immediacy, how the memory of captivity came to be inscribed in the soul of a nation.
Quick Update: I’m currently in Hoi An, Vietnam, spending 11 days in the same lovely hotel! I’m leaving for Bangkok for 3 days on Saturday, March 25th. Stay tuned for more stories and reflections and food. 🫶🏼
Hey! Would you like to connect over creativity, self-growth, and problem-solving? Or just to have a virtual glass of wine or mocktail? Please book a time on my Calendly for us to chat! I can’t wait to see you. XOXO.
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I love your transparency Heather ! Yes, it's ok to admit to feeling lonely. It doesn't mean you have regrets about this season of your life. It means you are human : ) I agree .. writing your dreams / visions are very important and beneficial to bringing them to fruition. Looking forward to hearing more .. Keep making your days count !