Hội An ❤️
Letter #24: This isn't a love story, but it's still a nice story.
3/19/23
I’m on journal #3 since November 2022. I’ve never written so much in my life. This new journal was a gift from Cee, handmade with my name engraved on it. How she nailed the faded pistachio color and rugged vibe of it is beyond me. She got to know me just over a week, and just by listening to my stories figured out exactly what to get for me. I just finished another custom journal from Scribe New York, where Rita scrawled my name over the front cover in her perfect calligraphic hand-writing. The third journal I carried with me is a little thing my cousin, Bilal, gave me for my 36th birthday. It’s the perfect travel size, and I’ve been using it to take notes for my TEFL course and practice my Arabic letters from Duolingo. 🥵 I’m even practicing writing right to left. My handwriting looks terrible but I’m beginning to identify which characters make a certain sound that I can identify in English. It’s not safe to call it a “translation” yet. 😂
I think the rapid changes in myself I identified in Bali has slowed in Vietnam. I reached Hội An on Monday 3/13 and right away extended my stay at Crony Villa from 5 days to 8 days…and then to 11 days. I realized I loved how sleepy this ancient little town is. The daytimes are quiet, the nights lit up by lanterns and boats drifting down the river. There are tons of restaurants and cafes to relax at and people watch, and plenty of street food vendors and gift shops throughout the open air market. My hotel is outside the touristy center, nestled into the countryside and surrounded by vast rice fields. The hotel offers free bikes, so I can easily cruise into town for a meal, check out to the markets…or have custom clothing made! (More on that later).
But the room is big and comfy, tons of light let in through the windows, a great pool for sunbathing, and a breakfast of fresh fruit and these amazing little banana roti pancakes made with sweetened condensed milk—no syrup needed!
I found a fully equipped gym in the village, so I’ve been riding my bike 20 minutes to the gym, having a weighted workout, a quick shower, and then biking another 15 minutes to reach An Bang Beach. There I would rent a beach chair for 50K VND and order a delicious vegan meal, and spend the remainder of the day lounging on the beach.
The water does something to me. The sheer force of the ocean is incomprehensible to me and I love being swallowed up in it. Knowing the same drop of water will never again pass over your skin, the same grains of sand won’t be under your feet from one moment to the next is thrilling to me. Something that is constantly changing, something far more powerful than humans. I’m not very in tune with astrology, but I do know I’m a water sign, and from an early age I was always obsessed with having access to water. My brother, Clint, and I were trying to swim constantly, at every opportunity. The beaches in New York aren’t the best but at least we have them, and I would happily head to the beach as much as I could during the sweltering NYC summers.
Anyways, after being in cities for a little while in Vietnam, I realized how important it is for me to stay some place quieter where my days are predictable and I can sink into a routine.
On my second day at Crony Villa, I met a British couple who invited me to ride bikes into town for a drink. It’s nice to have others encouraging my to explore more. It can be challenging to make all the decisions by yourself, all day every day. Sometimes you just want to follow along. They showed me a secret path along the river were we stopped for a beer and to share some travel stories. I haven’t run into many Americans in SE Asia so far, so I asked them what their impression of Americans was. They both laughed, and Howard quietly admitted that any the Americans he’s encountered on his travels tend to be loud and…well…obnoxious! He’s not wrong. Some Americans do have a reputation for being “me-centric” expecting the world to bend to our rules, a bit unaware of how boisterous we can be in foreign places. But he said I was a surprising exception from his past encounters. That made me laugh—give me some time and I can be just as loud and obnoxious as my countrymen. 🫡
Howard is a true blue kind of guy, ex rugby player with excellent sense of humor. His partner, Helen, is welcoming and spontaneous. They finish each other’s sentences and tell their stories in a ping pong sort of way that’s so entertaining. It was easy to spend time with them and they sincerely invited me to reach out to them if I have the chance to visit either their home in Nottingham, or Helen’s spontaneous vacation home purchase in southern Spain. Normally, we make promises to travel to see new friends when we’re invited, fully knowing time and plans and obligations won’t allow for it. But the crazy thing is that, this year, if someone invites me for a visit, I very likely will show up on their doorstep. So just be careful when throwing out those invites around me—I WILL take you up on it. 😆😇
For some reason, I felt ready to try a dating app in Hội An. Maybe because I have plenty of time to relax here that it would be the perfect chance for me to see what it’s like to meet people (men) while I travel. Already matching with people is a bit easier because there are so many solo travelers doing the same thing as me right now. There’s less pressure to figure out if your lives will fit together since the moment is likely to be fleeting, and you can just enjoy the present and share some travel stories.
I went on one good date and one bad date—I’ll share about the good date. This guy, we’ll call him Eric from Germany, messaged me congratulating me on quitting my job, that he’d done the same, and asked if I wanted to meet for a coffee and a trip to the Marble Mountains the following day.
Many of the thoughts I typically have when scheduling dates flashed through my mind. But that all comes from my (mostly) no so great experiences in New York. I sometimes seize up and can’t commit to anything spontaneous, dreading the (mostly) inevitable bad first date. But I’m trying to re-write many things about myself right now, and this area of my life definitely needs to be re-written and healed. I agreed to meet him at 11AM the next day, and we chose a traditional teahouse in the center of the town. He said, if I trust him enough after we have a tea together, we can take a ride on his motorcycle to the mountain. HA—I’ve ridden on the back of so many scooters with complete strangers by now, of course I would hop on the back of his. 🤷🏻♀️ No pre-screening needed. Also, Europeans all seem to know how to drive motor bikes by an early age—earlier than they learn to drive cars, and much more experienced on a 2-wheeled vehicle than Americans. My one pre-requisite? That my mom would want me to have a helmet. He replied that this is SE Asia and we could figure that out. I could tell we would have a fun day together.
I was 15 minutes late to meet him. There were no Grab scooters available on the app which surprised me since I typically had no issue getting them in other parts of Vietnam. I hopped onto one of the hotel bikes, and as I rode down the driveway I realized both tires were flat, and then very quickly the chain fell off. 😂 So I walked that dusty old thing back to the hotel and tried Grab one more time, this time opting for a car pickup.
When I finally got to the teahouse I was flustered, and laughing, I expressed my mishaps immediately with my new friend. He laughed easily at my story, a handsome and happy individual. One of the staff came over to show me a sign that customers are to whisper only, and I looked around realizing how loud I actually was compared to how quiet and serene this place was. We looked at each other and smirked, me proving to be the boisterous, dramatic American, disturbing the peace in this teahouse. (The staff at Reaching Out are speech and hearing impaired, so guests and staff use gestures and writing to communicate.)
Eric had been traveling solo since November, giving himself the greatest culture shock by starting in New Delhi, India. Now he’s in Hội An for a couple days, having just purchased a motorcycle in Ho Chi Minh City to travel through Vietnam, Cambodia, and Laos. Apparently the only way you can cross the border by bike is if you own it. And even still there may be some issues with border crossing for foreigners. He could then resell the bike back to the original seller. He had quit his job at a startup that helps install that installs charging equipment for electric car owners. Before leaving in November, he had worked at Oktoberfest in the beer tents for extra travel cash. It’s good for me to step outside the pressure of the NYC dating scene and gain new perspectives on how people make money to achieve the travel lifestyle they desire. In other words, your career seems to be one of the main focuses when dating in NYC.
There are a million stories I could include of what we talked about for that entire day, but I’ll just share the highlights.
He rented a helmet for me at a nearby shop, 20K VND ($0.85) for the day. We hopped on the bike, a combination of a motorcycle with gears, but the tires of a dirt bike that could handle the rough mountain roads in North Vietnam.
We rode about 30 minutes to the Marble Mountains. Riding in the open air is a thrilling way to experience a new place. It was nice to laugh with another Westerner about the lack of rules in driving around SE Asia, both understanding why it’s funny in comparison to the rigid road rules where we come from.
I hadn’t researched the Marble Mountains before we went, but they really are made of marble and limestone, featuring temples and statues of the Buddha. We hiked through a cave of steep, slippery marble steps, worn smooth by years of people passing through. We reached the peak, took a couple quick photos, and headed back down to find something to eat.
I suggested we head back towards Hội An to An Bang Beach where you can sit in a cafe up of the beach and listen to the crashing waves. We picked a spot based on its decent Google reviews, and it turned out to be SUPER good. We had a nice, relaxed meal together. The best part is there was a local family celebrating in the restaurant, beer cans strewn everywhere, singing the most tone deaf karaoke at top volume, and at only 5pm in the afternoon, mind you. Then ANOTHER group charged up the old loud speaker on the beach to start some cheesy family reunion games. It was just so funny. To continue on with our conversation even with the clashing noise from all angles in such a relaxing, beautiful setting.
After lounging for a couple hours, he drove me back to my hotel. We crossed the rice fields through narrow paths that could only reasonably fit scooters, bicycles, or the occasional water buffalo. The sun was setting and it was such a peaceful ride. I told him this had been one of my favorite days of my trip so far. We didn’t exchange contact info just then—he’d be leaving the following day to continue up the coast, and I’m heading to Nepal in a week. BUT…as I had suspected, some of the things about being in a developing country, where things are so different from what I am accustomed to, were MUCH shinier, having fewer rough edges when I was sharing the experience with someone else. And even though our hangout that day was more about companionship between two solo travelers, I was right. It would enrich the experience in ways I can’t quite achieve while alone. Would it take away from the benefits of solo travel? Yes it would. And we even talked about that. But having such a fun, easy day with a complete stranger made me excited for the future when I can do this all over again with a partner.
Quick Update: I left Bangkok on Tuesday 3/28 for Kathmandu, Nepal! I’m embarking on a 15 day Himalayan trek to the Annapurnas Base Camp. Will send more details in next week’s newsletter. 🌄
Hey! Would you like to connect over creativity, self-growth, and problem-solving? Or just to have a virtual glass of wine or mocktail? Please book a time on my Calendly for us to chat! I can’t wait to see you. XOXO.
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A very nice story!