Muscle Memory
Letter #75: Re-prioritizing my physical and spiritual practices amidst a packed calendar.
3/3/24
Traveling for a year took a toll on my fitness. I kept up with my running, so completing the Annapurnas Base Camp trek was no problem. But by the time I reached Paris, the last stop on my international journey, I felt I had a fraction of the muscle tone I used to. I was chomping at the bit to be a regular at the gym again. The days of eating pasta non-stop in Italy, steak au poivre in France, and downing red wine with every meal left me feeling sluggish and…puffy.
When I got back to the US, I booked 5 sessions at my old Brooklyn gym, the one that made me fall in love with HIIT classes, and was able to work out with my favorite trainer, Anwar, again. I succumbed to performing push-ups on my knee. Even jumping pull-ups were out of the question—I had lost so much of my upper body strength.
When I got back to Wisconsin at the end of November 2023, I was already feeling a bit stronger. I became a member at Orangetheory Fitness down the road from my parents’ house and fell back into a heavy obsession of going 5-6 days a week.
Within a couple weeks I could see muscle again. I’m back to doing all my pushups from my toes, and I’m lifting heavier in some ways than I ever have. The mix-in of cardio in OTF has helped me do my outdoor runs with the dog without needing rest.
After a year of being out of the gym, my muscle memory came back.
The past couple months or so have been full of work, travel, and a heavily marked social calendar. I can sense myself getting irritable as my days are scheduled tightly, efficiently transitioning from one obligation to the next.
There’s been so much fun in these days, too, as I’ve traveled to see my friends in LA, my closest East Coast friends came to Wisconsin to celebrate my 38th birthday, and my mom and I booked a weekend girls’ trip in Chicago.
But my connection to self has taken a hit. I’ve prioritized being back in the gym and cooking myself heaps of veggies, but my spiritual and creative practices are fading away on the back burner.
The attorney I’m working for booked a series of three meditation sessions for our team—just another one of the many reasons why I love what I’m doing for work. It doesn’t get much more aligned than a team bonding session of group meditation.
Knowing these sessions are coming up, I’m itching to get back into my own practice. My experience with Vipassana in Kathmandu back in April 2023 was life-changing. It simplified my thoughts. I found more grace for myself and others. And I finally felt what it was like to be bored again.
But I’ve let my practice slip to the wayside as I prioritized work and social commitments.
This weekend was the first weekend I had “free” in a while—although I did commit to attending a march for the ceasefire and liberation of Palestine in the southside of Milwaukee, knowing that I’d be standing up for a group of people that I love dearly. I knew that march would help me feel connected to those around me, even if I didn’t personally know them. Being surrounded by individuals that are enraged and heartbroken like you are is a great way to provide the emotional connection you’re craving.
I took my nephews on a Saturday evening date to the arcade, to dinner, and then they stayed overnight for a sleepover. It was a family-filled weekend, connecting with both my family here and in Palestine.
And Sunday I had committed to my filing my taxes and answering the question of “what the hell do taxes look like when I hardly had income the previous year?”
But before I launched into crunching all those numbers, I decided to sit down and meditate. My mind was all over the place at first—my room was chilly with the windows open, the wind chimes tinkled beautifully outside, and I had a lot I wanted to accomplish in the day. But I decided to focus only on the sensation of breath passing through the area just at the entrance of my nostrils—a trick we learned during Vipassana to train our brains to focus only on the smallest of areas. My mind wandered wildly, but at times I was able to quiet it.
After only several moments into the meditation, I could feel my body enter that weightless feeling. A feeling as though you are physically outside yourself, floating in a bubble, the space and things around you moving further and further away.
I recalled my most blissful moments in past hypnotherapy sessions had that same, floating, pulsating feeling of being far away from nearly everything but yourself. And, in my deepest meditative practice, feeling the inner workings of my body in a way I’d never experienced before—of being so in tune with myself that everything around me just faded away.
It wasn’t long until I was distracted again—making lists about my financial goals for the year, or wondering what I’d make for dinner that evening. But then I could slip easily back into that weightless feeling.
My muscle memory came roaring back.
The things I put on the back burner that mean so much to me—physical fitness and inner spiritual practice—laid only mildly dormant, ready to wake up whenever I gave them enough attention to remind me of their bountiful benefits.
The next mission will be for how I can bring my meditation practice back into a daily (or even just weekly!) habit.
In the meantime, a few photos from the past month’s social events. 👇🏻
Hey! Would you like to connect over creativity, self-growth, and problem-solving? Please book a time on my Calendly for us to chat! I can’t wait to see you. XOXO.
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That's hopeful!
What a great recap of your last few months! I love your determination and dedication to being the best well-rounded, grounded, and true self you can be. You make the world a better place!❤️