Playa del Carmen
Letter #88: A traditional Tezmecal ceremony led by Mayan shamans...
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11/01/24
Playa del Carmen has grown on me tremendously. I was bracing myself for this overly touristy town to lose its luster quickly, but now that I’ve settled into my routine and found its pockets of authenticity, I am genuinely enjoying my time here.
The beaches are unmatched by anywhere else I’ve been in the world—Italy, Spain, the Philippines, Vietnam, Antigua & Barbuda, Indonesia, Albania, Turkey. I now understand why people choose to settle down here. Having the ability to go to one of the best local beaches in the world, right out your front door…well it doesn’t get much better than that.
Sunday night I decided to book a traditional Tezmecal ceremony—a shaman-led sweat lodge ceremony. I knew it would be hot, I knew I would be uncomfortable, and I was hoping to find some clarity around the next path in my life at the end of the experience.
I choose an AirBnB experience in the Luis Donaldo Colosio neighborhood (north of the touristy areas of PDC), centrally located but on a property that lent the feeling of being completely surrounded by nature—as though we were immersed in a mini rainforest.
I waited patiently as William, one of the shamans, stoked a huge fire, continuously feeding it with more and more wood, as myself and other guests sat around sipping water flavored with lime, cucumber, and mint. The fire seemed to take forever to get to where he wanted it to be, and I was curious to know what would be coming next. Much like me walking into the 10-day, silent meditation Vipassana course in Nepal, I did not read up on the Tezmecal ceremony before giving it a try.
Maria, our translator, came around making small talk while we waited for the fire to be prepared. She asked where we were from, made sure we were comfortable, and refilled our water as needed. She encouraged us to drink as much as possible, as we’d be losing a lot of fluids in the sweat lodge.
Rain began to fall, and I was amazed at how magical this place felt, still being in the center of town, just a few blocks off the beach, but completely shaded with palm trees and other tropical plants. It was an open living space of nature, with the hut where we would perform the ceremony tucked away in the corner.
Marco, the leading shaman, had myself and the three other guests—all bikini-clad and of a similar age—gather in a circle, arms outstretched, our fingertips nearly touching. With a thurible swinging from its chains, burning copal incense, he took turns washing the smoke over our bodies, one by one, preparing us for the ceremony.
When William finally had the fire where he needed it to be, Marco led the 5 women (including Maria) into the hut. He let us know that once the blanket was dropped over the entrance of the door, we would be sitting in complete darkness.
We each chose a spot against the wall, sitting cross-legged, our bare butts touching the rain-soaked stone floor, again forming a circle. In the center was a fire pit. Marco began explaining what we’d be doing. He was solemn and serious about his practice—he’d be leading us through 4 doors—
Fire: Physical
Water: Mental
Air: Emotional
Earth: Spiritual
He warned us that the hut would only grow hotter and hotter as we crossed through each theoretical “door”. He advised that if we ever felt we couldn’t take the heat, to put our heads between our knees, or to lay our chests and heads on the cool stone floor.
Given my experience at several day spas and hammams across the world, and my willpower to stay through all 10 days of the Vipassana course, I felt certain I could withstand whatever was coming my way in this sweat lodge.
William entered, dropping in the first piping hot stone. Using two deer antlers as a tool (explaining that antlers are a symbolic connection to the spiritual), Marco scooped up the rock and placed it in the pit at the center at the hut. The stone was so hot it blazed red, and you could nearly see straight through it. Rock after rock, William gently slid each one into the hut with a pitch fork, and Marco precariously scooped them up with the antlers, gently arranging them in the pit and rubbing them with copal (of which he explained signified the “words” connecting us to the spirit).
Once the shamans finished placing the stones and the room began to increase in temperature, William joined us in the hut, dropped the blanket over the entrance, and, as promised, we were submerged in complete darkness.
Marco began pouring cups of water over the blazing rocks as Maria translated his commands to breathe in slowly, and exhale slowly, again and again. Taking in deep breaths, my heart began to beat rapidly and I realized I was already over-heating.
The room felt like it was growing in size, Marco’s and Maria’s voices huge but far away, and the noise surrounding me. I couldn’t breathe. I felt like I was hallucinating and began to panic, already wanting to leave the hut. Surely I couldn’t already be giving up after only a couple minutes?!
I decided to switch to shallow breaths, to see if I could conserve my air. Eventually Marco stopped pouring water on the rocks and the flow of steam from the pit subsided. I was able to refocus on what he was coaching us through and regain control of myself. If I could get through 10 days of 10 1/2 hours of meditation, I could get through an hour and half of a sweat lodge.
At some point, Marco instructed William to lift the blanket. We had a brief respite from the heat as some cool evening air rushed in. At that point I actually was not sure how many doors we had gone through? Two…? Or three? But when Marco advised we had only gone through door one—fire, the physical—time was lost on me. I felt as though we’d already been in there a half hour.
William began shoveling more rocks through the entrance. Again, blazing hot, Marco scooped up each one with the antlers and positioned them around the pit on top of the rocks from the previous round. I understood now we’d be going through this three more times, each time adding more rocks, and more heat to the hut. I braced myself.
We continued the same ritual through the mental and then emotional realms, with Marco lending greater care to his description of our emotional journey. He asked us to set an intention, something we were looking to heal, something we needed clarity on.
I was looking for answers on where I would settle down in the future. Things have felt so up in the air since I still have not found a life partner. I have a certain flexibility with my work and the ability to work remotely (which is such a gift), but sometimes that makes me even more unsure about where I want to settle down—I can’t determine where I want to tether myself to, and was hoping a partner would decide that for me. I’m afraid of making a mistake, and of making myself unhappy.
I was quite emotional going through the third door, which only made it harder to breathe. I had learned by then not to take deep breaths, but to keep my breathing shallow, allowing my willpower to stay strong and able to withstand the heat.
Marco reminded us in that moment to be grateful for everything that led us to that point. As he recited different things for us to remember, I was overwhelmed with a mixture of sadness for the ongoing genocide in Gaza and the endurance of Palestinians, and the undercurrent of heartache that never leaves me as I think about what my own family has suffered through in occupied Palestine. It was a strange mixture of acknowledging that sadness and heartache, while embracing the joy and freedom of where I am at now, immersed in my own solitude, building my own fortitude. I knew I was slipping down a rabbit hole of sorrow and guilt, one which would not allow me to breathe in this environment.
As Marco repeatedly reminded us to practice gratitude, he reminded us also to recognize the negative things in our lives. The shadow aspects of ourselves that carve out our journeys. While my mind began to spiral towards the negative, unable to focus on any one intention, he guided us back to focusing on asking only one question at a time. I asked for clarity for my future path in settling down—something simple and within my control.
As he poured water on the rocks and the heat grew, hotter than ever before, my mind began to wander. I fought the urge to weep as I crossed into this emotional realm, knowing I would suffocate myself.
In this moment of clarity, I realized how important the balance I had found for myself during my year of travel in 2023 was. It has truly changed my life. The balance of my masculine with my feminine, of my time spent in nature, of my time spent alone.
Living back in Mequon and between other friends’ places often leaves me feeling out of balance. I crave my alone time, my solitude. And I also miss having that time in nature, something I’m not getting enough of in Wisconsin when my routine consists so heavily of work and social time.
Whether or not this was the clarity I was seeking, I realized I cannot lose sight of that balance in the future. I need to prioritize structuring my months to make sure I get my alone time and I’m immersed in nature, up until I figure out where it is I am meant to settle down. Because, truth be told, I don’t fully know what “settling down” looks like yet, or when it will happen.
Beyond that, the other hit of clarity I received is that everything I need, everything I want, I already have. It was a wonderful feeling, to already be so full of love, so full of life, so full of opportunity and possibilities, so full of adventure. I truly lack for nothing and for that I am incredibly grateful.
We used the fourth door, the spiritual, the connection to earth, for healing the emotional. The spiritual as medicine for the emotional. I used this time to reflect on how I could slow down my desire to make changes in my life before they’re ready—before I’m ready—and allow my life to unfold naturally, slowly, organically. To stay still for a while and be content with where I am at, even if it makes me uncomfortable at times.
By the end of the ceremony, Marco and William were both chanting so loudly, so rhythmically, drumming along, that the room again felt as though it was growing in size. The journey, no doubt, was powerful. It was moving.
When we finally finished, we exited the hut one by one, crawling along the stone floor on hands and knees, with Willam standing at the entrance to help us to our feet. He warned us to be careful as we may be light-headed when standing up.
Maria brought out more water flavored with lime, cucumber, and mint, along with a tray of watermelon and cantaloupe, and fresh guacamole and chips. We gratefully filled up on the fluids and fresh fruit and guac.
William was as smiley as ever, checking in on all of us, and Marco seemed much warmer and open towards the group than he had at the beginning. We all went around and shared a bit about our experience. I asked plenty of questions.
I learned that both Marco and William participate in 4 day long ceremonies throughout the year to strengthen their own practices. One ritual is to be left in the jungle alone for 4 days, without any resources, relying solely on your own strength and mind to survive. Another is to participate in a 4 day fast—no food, no water—with 2 tezmecal sessions per day. It was hard to imagine dedicating myself to such a challenging lifestyle, but helped me to trust they knew what they were guiding us through.
We said our goodbyes, the shamans both stepping into normal human behavior and asking if I wanted to go salsa dancing later that night. I was flattered, but politely declined, knowing I’d have an early start for work the next day.
One of the other guests and myself—a woman from Germany—decided to walk back to our condos together. I dropped her off about 6 blocks away, then headed out for the 30 minute walk to my place.
I was exhausted. I knew I’d be too tired for a run the next morning, opting to set my alarm for the very last moment until I’d start work bright and early the next day.
Hey! Would you like to connect over creativity, self-growth, and problem-solving? Please book a time on my Calendly for us to chat! I can’t wait to see you. XOXO.
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Wise, beautiful, powerful! Thank you, Heather.