And Now for Something Completely Different
Letter #13: Waking up in Bali and the empty pages in front of me, waiting to be filled. Also, a brilliantly strange and hilarious Monty Python film.
February 5th, 2023—I just woke up to my first morning in Bali. After about 23 hours of travel and luggage that didn’t make it to my connecting flight, I hadn’t gotten to sleep until after 3am. I’m waiting for breakfast to be served on the private terrace where the wifi is a bit dodgy. The sign on the family temple in the middle of the hotel grounds reads “Women are forbidden to enter the temple during menstruation”. Yes, I was on the opposite side of the world.
I haven’t truly journaled since I started writing the newsletter. My journaling now is less stream of consciousness and more a careful consideration about how I would relay my stories to others.
Leaving Sasha in Hawaii yesterday was very emotional. I was about to embark on the journey I’d wanted since I was 15 and had first traveled internationally—over half my lifetime I’d been pining after this dream. One or two week vacations were never enough time to fully settle into a place, and I was never ready to leave a place to head back to reality. And now it is daunting and thrilling to have unending days ahead of me. How will I structure them? How will I exercise regularly? How will I get what I “need” to get done when the wifi is so poor?
I haven’t been bored—not once—since I left New York, left my job. Oddly, that is one of the things I want to accomplish this year. I want to be bored. I want to be still. Even today, I started writing immediately when I sat down to wait for breakfast, wasting no time to check off something that is productive. How can I force myself to put it all away and just be still?
Writing this out helps me remember that it takes me a few days to settle into a place and feel comfortable. To sort out my routine in a foreign place, to take my time, and to take care of myself as I slowly slip into a new way of being.
I spent my first few days in Bali in Ubud. Tucked up in the jungle of central Bali, this ultra spiritual place is what dreams are made of. Incense wafts through the street, as store and homestay owners practice the daily ritual of placing handmade canang sari offerings on their doorsteps, along the sidewalks, and even in the middle of the roads.
“This is an offering to the Gods, as a gesture of gratitude. The philosophy of the offering is self-sacrifice because it takes time and effort to prepare daily. There are often a few coins in the offering too, which expresses selflessness.
The food within the offering contains prana (life force energy). This is set out for the Gods to receive, and then enjoyed by the wild monkeys, cats, dogs and other creatures.”
The carang sari are comprised of woven bamboo containers holding vibrant, homegrown tropical flowers, incense, and other items that the Balinese wish to offer as a gift. The streets in Ubud are swept clean and great care is taken to preserve the beauty of their space for these offerings. While in some Western cities we really value (or are accustomed to) “clean streets and sidewalks”, the clean streets here felt different. There was a spiritual intention behind the state of this town.
Reminiscent of the structure of homes in Antigua, Guatemala, with their thick outer facades and a doorway leading into open gardens and an outdoor living space, the traditional Balinese homes in Ubud feature a sanggah, or family shrine, with different buildings/rooms surrounding the garden area that house the family members. They’re BEAUTIFUL. And make you also want to create this sort of indoor/outdoor living space. Well, not in Northern Minnesota I suppose. But even the exteriors of these homes are ornate enough to resemble a Hindu temple.
In the mornings I would lounge by the Sayong House pool for a couple hours, wondering when my luggage would arrive, and then wander the streets soaking in all the beauty of these spiritual little safe haven. Oh, and stopping for a meal here at there at a warung, where a traditional Indonesia meal costs under $2. 😳 The US dollar goes far here…
Now let’s talk about massages for a minute. They are hands down one of my favorite activities (to receive, not so much to give 😆). It wasn’t until I moved to NYC that I began getting massages regularly (like once ever 1-2 months). They are somewhat affordable at the traditional Chinese massage spas around the city (about $50-$60 for an hour), and I’ve grown addicted to how HARD they are. I usually ask for an extra strong massage so that I’m sore the next day—that’s how you know you got your money’s worth.
It was the only thing that would relieve me after being crunched down behind a computer for 40 or 50 hours a week. That combined with the stress from work led me to all sorts of wound up knots in my shoulders and elbows that would crack (oddly) very loudly. The human body isn’t meant to be so locked up.
Needless to say, a massage was the first thing I beelined for when I started exploring Ubud. The spas are everywhere in the tourist areas of Bali, touting hour long massages and facials for under 150K IDR. That converts to $9.89 USD. I looked for recommendations first (I’m a Google Maps snob—I don’t understand why my friends use Yelp 😆), but truly you could find a spa as you’re wandering around, every few steps! I chose Golden Hands Therapeutic Massage based on their 4.6 star rating. And it did not disappoint. Tucked away back from the busy street (streets here are packed with scooters, trucks, tourists, & dogs), the spa is surrounded by lush gardens and their family temple, and I settled into the room, removing everything but my undies and a light sarong covering me.
The therapist was very strong but gentle, using an oil that made me pumped for its inevitable moisturizing after effects. She didn’t mess me up as much my favorite guy, Michael, at 167 Lincoln Spa back in Park Slope did. (If you’re even in Brooklyn PLEASE go see him, he’s amazing). But I was super relaxed at Golden Hands, the 23 hours of travel from the previous day just melting away.
I began thinking about my budget. Could I fit this in every week? Twice a week? What’s my massage vs budget threshold? Because honestly the amount of spa services here is enough to make my self-care routine the best it’s ever been. Oh, also, in order to re-connect with 20 year old Heather, I got my nose pierced again. 🙃
New terms I’ve learned while speaking with different friends:
Sober Curious. In Hawaii, this was a term Sasha introduced me to in reference to a friend that was toying with the idea of abstaining from alcohol, and potentially giving it up forever. Then a couple days later Jen Vermet mentioned the same term to me, and she wrote about her own experience with testing it out. Sober Curiosity “means, literally, to choose to question, or get curious about, every impulse, invitation, and expectation to drink, versus mindlessly going along with the dominant drinking culture.” Oddly enough I’ve abstained from alcohol for the past two and a half weeks I’ve been in Bali. Not intentionally, really, but I had had my fill of wine with friends while I was back in the US, and I was ready to dry up and stick with water and tea. Now I’m curious to see how long I can continue being sober curious.
Flexetarian. My new hostel friend, Catarina, introduced me to this term. We grabbed dinner together the first night we met in Perenan in Bali, and I asked if she eats meat and fish. She described herself as a “Flexetarian”, one whose meatless diet occasionally includes meat and fish.
Dopamine Detox. My friend and I met this guy in the pool at Tribal Hostel who explained that he was three days into a Dopamine Detox. “A dopamine detox entails fasting from dopamine producing activities, or “pleasures,” for a certain amount of time with the hope of decreasing reward sensitivity.” He took stock of the things that he consumes that provides everyday stimuli such as movies, social media, music, caffeine, sugar, and alcohol, and decided to cut them out. For how long? I’m not sure. He said the first two days were really hard, feeling bored and restless, and by the third day he was really enjoying lounging in the pool, talking to us girls, and being in nature. The idea being that we consume so much outside stimuli that we become dependent on it, rather than finding joy in the simple things, i.e. reading a book, journaling, spending time out in nature, enjoying a healthy meal, having meaningful conversations with friends, exercising. Sounds refreshing doesn’t it? If someone wants to try this out, it is up to you to determine what stimuli you depend on for the triggers of “dopamine hits”.
Hey! Would you like to connect over creativity, self-growth, and problem-solving? Or just to have a virtual glass of wine or mocktail? Please book a time on my Calendly for us to chat! I can’t wait to see you. XOXO.
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Cheers to you starting your sober curious journey Heather!! I am so grateful to have been someone who could inspire this a bit for you 🤗 I've found that when life feels full of life, I don't have any need to numb any of it with booze. I want to feel all the feelings *fully*.