With Gratitude
Letter #64: Article #4 for Write of Passage and giving thanks to all that has been good in my life this past year.
Have I come off as whiny lately? If you can feel it, know I can feel it, too. Since I’ve annoyed myself by being so serious in my writing lately, I’m switching it up this week. So here is me taking a moment to shed light on what I’m grateful for.
When I strapped that 50 pound bag to my back and headed towards the airport departures, searching for the flight that would take me to Manila, and later Bali, my eyes were filled with tears. I realized how strong I could be for myself. Not just physically strong enough to carry a pack like that, but strong enough to put myself first, walking away from relationships and environments that don’t support me.
I no longer feel like a passenger in my own life. I’m in the control seat. I’m making the decisions.
Last year, I quit a job that made me miserable in order to travel for a year. I took countless trains, planes, buses, car rides, and hiked over mountains. I ran in 11 countries this year alone—my Strava activity looks like a constellation of dots all over the world.
Money! Oh my god, money. I have been afraid of not having enough money since I was 15 years old. The fear of scarcity has been a heavy weight, anchoring me down to one unfulfilling job after another. Only when I let go of the security of a steady paycheck and chose to spend what I had on the journey of a lifetime, did I FINALLY shed my fear around money. I can choose—or not choose—whatever I want for my next career. I can make a lot or just enough to get me where I want to go.
I’m grateful that many of my relationships with those close to me have deepened. When someone asks where I plan to settle down next, it’s thrilling to admit that I don’t know. I’ll happily spend a third of my time back with my parents, another third of it following my friends around, and the last third shacked up on the beach in Mexico, or in a chic 6-floor walk-up in Paris, or in a crumbled villa with sweeping views over the Tuscan vineyards. With gratitude, this time away from working has allowed me to identify what—and who—is important to me.
I’ve been immersed in the lives of my Palestinian family members. Not only was my time with them flooded with laughter, way too much good food, and a consistent, daily love I was incredibly lucky to receive, but my understanding of their culture grew exponentially. So many stereotypes were broken down for me. Years of what Western media has told me about the Middle East was abolished. I asked all the shamefully ignorant questions I’d ever wanted to ask and was met with honest answers. I get to share what it’s really like being part of this family. My time with them has only increased my craving to be immersed in other foreign cultures to break down those stereotypes, too.
I’ve moved freely through the world with my American passport. I know not everyone can say that. I am grateful not only that I was admitted easily into so many different countries, but that the people I met were gracious enough to share their stories and rich cultures with me. It deepened my compassion for others.
My parents offered unbridled support while I embarked on this journey. They hid their fears of my safety from me, instead expressing daily interest in where I was going and what I was seeing. They told me, repeatedly, how much they love me.
I never felt unsafe. I never felt unwanted. I made friends everywhere I went. People were helpful and kind.
I’m grateful to have an open road ahead of me. I can’t wait to see what the next leap into the unknown looks like. I’ve tumbled into the next phase of my life with a vigor I haven’t seen since I first stepped foot in New York City in 2012. If I could pull this past year off, I can pull anything off.
Hey! Would you like to connect over creativity, self-growth, and problem-solving? Or just to have a virtual glass of wine or mocktail? Please book a time on my Calendly for us to chat! I can’t wait to see you. XOXO.
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